9/28/10 (Naples, FL) - In a surprise move, league public relations manager Shawn Duffey called a press conference of his own. Duffey was fired nearly a year ago from his role as league PR director but was reinstated a few months later after agreeing to a pay cut and pledging to ghost write the commissioners upcoming biography called "Who's watching me?"
"I have spent much of the last year reflecting back on what I really mean to this league. I looked at all the long hours coming up with the perfect one liner to reflect the pure ignorance of various owners while being sure to not ignore their numerous physical flaws. I came to realize that nobody gives a shit."
Duffey continued, "As a result of the rampant apathy that has become the backbone of the BCFFL I have settled into the background, content to let the commissioner speak for himself when he is sober enough to do so."
"I do have one piece of news from Commissioner Keener. After proving to be too stupid to handle the duty as President of the Idiots, Keener has fired Jerry Budwash and promoted Sean Carter to take over the reigns. He has decided to bring on Orson as the new assistant idiot, saying "The BCFFL believes strongly in promoting from with in"
As the news conference was going on Harty, who was in South Florida looking for slush fund investors, could be seen in the back of the smoky room slowly spinning his 5 carat diamond encrusted ring around his index finger. His full time gardener was outside Armor All'ing the 22 inch rims on the Escalade while the event was going on.
10/12/09 (Robesonia, PA) - BCFFL Commissioner Troy Keener announced he has fired league public relations / media director Shawn Duffey. "The termination is effective immediately" Keener said during a phone call to the local press. "Duffey has done many good things for the league over the years but his recent insubordination during the MilesGate scandal was more than I could tolerate." It is also rumored that Duffey dared to befriend a former lover of Keener on Facebook. Keener's large ego lead him into a paranoia induced rage which may have contributed to the firing.
When reached for comment Duffey offered this simple recollection of events " As a result of my insubordination the commissioner has fired me as director of league public relations. I was not even given time to clean out my desk. I was escorted from the building by the Robesonia police. I enjoyed my tenure in service of the league. I wish the owners of the BCFFL my best."
Duffey has been responsible for maintaining the league media releases, web presence as well as being the lead producer for several league holiday productions. Duffey also hosted and maintained the LRLI tournament which was a popular offseason event for several years. He has plans to release a book documenting his years behind the curtain of BCFFL administration. He is in talks with the same publisher that is producing Levi Johnston's pecan commercial campaign.
When asked about his plans for the bcffl.net web site he maintains Duffey added "I am entertaining offers for the site. So far there has been interest in bcffl.net being reacquired by a Chinese link farm. I also had an inquiry from a local bologna manufacturer."
4/6/09 (Reading, PA) - BCFFL offices were surrounded today by owners protesting the league new minimum IQ requirement for all owners. The most visual of the protesters was Jerry Budwash who has owned a floundering fantasy football franchise for years. Budwash screamed into the bull horn "Its dont matter what my IQ are! Its bad enough that cigarettes now cost me $8 a pack, now this!"
Order was restored when league treasurer Mike Hart sprayed the protestors with a high pressure water hose that Uncle Jack had stolen from a construction site.
3/12/09 (Morgantown, PA) - League Treasurer Mike Hart announced today that the BCFFL was going to be hiring a telemarketing firm to assist in collection of league fees from dead beat owners.
If an owner has not paid his dues he will be contacted via telephone from a telemarketer with a bad accent and even worse attitude, daily, until his payment has been received into the league coffers. When asked about the morality of the move Hart commented, "I think the small fee we have to pay to this outside firm to annoy the piss out of league owners is money well spent. If you don't want to get the calls, pay your damn bill. Nuff said..." After making his comments Hart pulled his fur coat up over his ears and stepped up into his Lexus Hybrid and sped away.
3/10/2009 (Las Vegas, NV) - League owner Sean Carter encountered a small roadblock in his upcoming marriage plans to famed transsexual porn star Frankie Moans when he was picked up by local authorities for possession of large quantities of inhalants.
Carter was pulled over for a routine traffic violation when officers noticed what looked to be whip cream on his top lip. After searching the vehicle, two cases of stolen Redi-Whip was found in the trunk of his 1996 Daewoo. Carter tried to explain to the officer how he was a part time male exotic dancer and the whip cream was part of his act. Carter was released on $500 bail and should be able to still attend his wedding.
League offices declined to comment on the matter with Commissioner Keener simply stating "Needless to say I will not be attending the wedding. I would prefer to not be associated with this sort of situation..."
2/28/2009 (Lancaster, PA) - Commissioner Keener held a press conference to discuss the reinstatement of BCFFL.NET. The transcript is below.
"For a couple years I have been negotiating with a domain ame squatting cartel that was operated by Chris Yeingst in order to get back my beloved domain name. It pained me to see bcffl.net fall into the hands of such criminals as well as seeing it's good name used to push things like viagra, nigerian get rich schemes and porn. Finally after agreeing to provide Yeingst with a lifetime supply of ring bologna as well as handing over the keys to my fabled classic Mustang, I have once again taken control over the bcffl.net domain.
It was a long hard battle but one that was worth winning. I did not feel that we could afford to let Yeingst drag our name through the mud. In this triumphant moment, I would like to also announce that Sean Carter has been promoted to the position of "Official Assistant League Idiot" He will assist Jerry Budwash in his duties as the President of Idiots.
Thank you for all of your support during these trying times. "